The publication of A Light in the Dark: The Hidden Legacy of Adult Children of Sex Addicts (Adams, Meyer, and Vande Garde, 2023) sparked new interest in helping unburden Adult Children of Sex Addicts (ACSAs) from the impact of the sexually addicted family systems, including in the addict and partner treatment discussions. Naturally, the topic of what, if anything, should be disclosed to adult children has taken center stage. Determining how to best manage and treat exposure to sexually addictive behavior, partner distress, resulting parental conflict, and mishandled disclosures should inform the best-practice protocols addressing disclosure, impact, and amends involving ACSAs.
Although attempts have been made to respond to the needs of adult children from these families by adopting an adult-child-sensitive approach, most efforts have largely emerged from the lens of the addict or partner-trauma-sensitive models. Reducing the addict's shame, encouraging "responsibility taking," and unburdening the feeling of blame and "feeling at fault" placed on the partner may too often factor into "what is best for the children." As you will see from our book, disclosure to a partner is significantly different from the disclosure issues relevant to the ACSA. For example, while partners often need significant details in disclosure to heal, reports from ACSAs indicate they do not necessarily want many details. In worst-case scenarios, "disclosure" to children and adult children may be used to create an alliance with one parent against the other, further enmeshing the children in the parents' conflict and adding to the burden already carried. To date, the availability of therapeutic resources specifically dedicated to supporting ACSAs remains strikingly limited. Several interrelated factors contribute to this gap
